Thankful for Infertility??
Infertility. It is something that no one wants to face or to have be a part of their story. I never thought infertility and miscarriage would be part of our journey in building our family, but God had other plans. And I want to tell you why I am thankful that it is part of my story. Did you know that 1 in 8 women struggle to get pregnant or maintain a pregnancy? That means that chances are that 1 or more women in your life have struggled with infertility whether you knew about it or not. It took me about a year to talk openly about our journey with infertility. But once I started sharing my journey I was so amazed at the women who had been through similar situations or were walking though even more difficult situations and struggles. The relationships that are built out of struggle and the understanding of each other’s pain are fast and deep friendships. I am so thankful for the friendships that have come from this difficult season and the things I have learned from those friends. Another reason I am thankful that infertility and miscarriage are part of my story is because it has taught me to be more understanding of other people and their particular struggle. We all handle situations differently based on what we have experienced in our own lives and how those experiences have shaped our personalities. The way I react to grief and pain might be different than how you react to the same grief and pain, but it doesn’t make one person’s reaction better than the other. It simply means we are all different and if we can simply meet each person where they are without judgment of how they “should” handle that situation then there is much more room for love and understanding. And who doesn’t want to live in a more loving and understanding world? The final reason I am thankful for the struggle of miscarriage and infertility is the deeper relationship it has helped me to develop with Jesus. I have learned so much about myself and my desire to control things. This journey has taught me to let go of control. It has made me ask the hard questions of myself and of God. Is God still good when bad things happen? Can I rejoice in my sufferings because I know God is in control? Do I truly trust that God has a plan that is better than mine for my family? The answer to all of those questions is YES! Searching myself and God’s Word for the answers to those questions was hard and raw, but necessary for me to grow. So I am thankful for the hard because it brought about growth! So I am thankful for the pain and heartache that miscarriage and infertility have brought to my journey because without it I would not have some of the deep friendships I have formed, or the understanding and compassion for others who struggle, and I would not have the relationship I have with Jesus. I promise you that if you will just trust and have faith, in time God will reveal His most perfect plan for your life. It might not be this side of Heaven, but one day you will be able to look back at your most difficult struggle and see God’s hand at work in all of it. No struggle is too big or too small to take to Him and trust Him with. No struggle or pain surprises Him because it is all written in His plan for your life. He will mourn and cry and meet you where you are if you will simply seek Him!
0 Comments
First and foremost: I am not sharing this with you for any reason than to hopefully help someone else going through a tough time! I have been so thankful for advice and comfort from others who have been willing to share their experiences and I can only hope and pray that my experience would help someone else going through something similar. God can use our stories and our journey to help others along the way if we are willing. And why would we not be willing? It is HIS story after all, not mine!
Let me begin by saying I never thought miscarriage would be part of my story (or Gods story for my life)! If I'm completely honest I thought: "Wasn't infertility enough?" Selfish, I know! Because i know so many people who have been through so much more heartache than me and still I thought mine was enough. We are not promised an easy life? We are not promised that we will not face suffering, pain, or hard times simply because we know the Lord! We ARE promised a way through those hard times if we ABIDE in Gods love for us and truly trust that he will never leave us or forsake us! So, here is part of my story: Almost three weeks ago I faced one of the hardest weeks I have faced.....possibly ever. This may mean that I am sheltered and have not faced a lot of loss in my life (which I am thankful for), but none the less it was a crushing week for me and my family! I found out a few weeks ago that I was pregnant! Any of you that have followed me for any amount of time probably know that I have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and mild hypothyroidism so I have struggled with infertility for the past 16 months. Finding out I was pregnant was such a wonderful surprise because this was the month we had chosen to take "off" of fertility meds for a few reasons, but mainly I just needed a break from the hormone roller coaster! So, like I said, huge surprise since I had been using fertility meds for 7 months with no success that on the month I didn't take them I got pregnant!!! :) Fast forward 3 weeks after we found out that I was pregnant and we come to three weeks ago when I unfortunately ended up miscarrying. I will spare you the details, but I do want to share with you what I have learned and what I have seen the Lord do for me through this terrible situation so that if you are going through something similar you can see that there is hope in the sorry and can be joy in the pain.. Never in my life have I been so aware of the truth behind the scripture in Deut. 31:8 that says "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you..." It is so clear to me in hindsight how the Lord prepared my heart, mind, and soul for this crushing blow. The people he has placed in my path that have walked the path of miscarriage before me and handled it with such grace and faithfulness were such a Godly example for me and HUGE comfort when I felt so alone! And miscarriage can be such a lonely place because it usually happens before you have told a lot of people you are pregnant so then when you miscarry it just feels awkward to tell people, but you are hurting so much you feel like you need to explain why you are acting the way you are acting. Such a lonely and confusing place to be! Also, infertility and miscarriage are not talked about a lot because they are both just such bummers, you know? When you have pregnant friends or friends that just had babies you don't want to rain on their parade with your negative Nelly news. So a lot of the times you just keep quiet. Another way that I have seen God in all of this is that He placed a hesitancy in my heart in getting too attached to this pregnancy. I know that might sound strange, but I just "knew" from the beginning that something wasn't quite right. Some might call it intuition, but I call it the Holy Spirit! Davis and I decided to wait until we heard a heart beat until we told our boys about the pregnancy and that is just one more way God protected my family and heart. I do not think I could bear having to tell my 2 precious boys that the baby they have prayed for was given and then taken away so quickly. My heart and mind can barely comprehend it with complete faithfulness and I am so glad they were protected from the questions that something like this brings! For anyone reading this who is going through something similar right now I want you to know you are not alone! It can be extremely lonely because you are hurting so bad, but the world around you just goes on like nothing happened. This is how it has to be and should be, but that doesn't mean it doesn't sting a little to have to put on a smile in public when you really want to curl up in bed and cry! I want you to know that it is okay to cry, to be mad, angry, sad, and hopeful all in the span of an hour. For me it has felt like 2 steps forward and 1 step back. One day will be really good and I will feel like I am hopeful and ready to move on and the next day I don't want to smile or talk to anyone. Feel those emotions and know that it will get better, but then it might get worse, but then it will get better again! The best advice I can give you is to try your hardest not to get stuck in the darkness, bitterness, and negativity. Search out posiivity and happiness and don't feel guilty when you feel okay again! If you grieve for 2 days and then feel good the 3rd day just embrace it because the next day might be bad again and the negative emotions might come out of no where and slap you in the face. My other piece of advice is to take a break from FB or social media because inevitably someone is going to post that they are pregnant and throw you into that downward spiral when you least expect it! Of course you are happy for them! But just because you are happy for them doesn't mean you can't feel sadness and jealousy too! You are human so give yourself a break and take the time you need to recover and grieve and heal! Life will go on and you will feel hopeful and happy again! Just give it time and seek counsel and advice from others who have been where you are now! Don't walk the road alone because miscarriage is already a lonely place to be and not allowing others in will only isolate you further! You never know who you might help by sharing your story and journey with others! Finally, don't lose hope! There is a greater plan for your life (and mine) and there will come a day hopefully where we can look back at these experiences that hurt so much and see how they were creating a beautiful story that only God can write! I long for that day and know that it will come if I am patient.
If you have followed me for any amount of time you know that I love this little kitchen gadget I own called a spiralizer. I love it because it makes veggies fun for adults and kids and also helps keep processed foods off our plate more often!
For example these delicious curly sweet potato fries I made the other night that were husband and kid approved. All it took was a sweet potato, olive oil, salt, and pepper. Could it be any more simple? I also love using my spiralizer to make "apple curly fries" for my kids! They love to munch on them after school and I love that it makes an apple that much more fun for them. But, my absolute favorite way to use my spiralizer is to make zoodles (zucchini noodles) and squash noodles to serve with spaghetti sauce. All it takes is a little olive oil in a pan and a quick sautee of the zoodles and you have an awesome alternative to pasta. Surprisingly enough, my kids like the zucchini noodles too. You could even try this zoodle alfredo recipe. It is sure to be a family favorite! The possibilities are endless and the outcome is delicious! If you don't have one yet, I highly suggest getting one if you want to add more veggies to your diet! There is a link to the one I use in my kitchen below. I have been asked quite a lot lately what the Whole 30 is and why I am doing it if I don't want to lose weight. So I thought I would share with you my "why" in hopes it inspires you to get out of your comfort zone, try new things, and take control of your health! I have been struggling with infertility for a little over a year. The ups and downs have taken a toll on my usual healthy eating habits because I am an emotional eater....there have been LOTS of emotions the past year! Each time I got a negative test I ran for the ice cream and cookies! Like I could eat away the frustration and disappointment! For a while the doctor kept saying "unexplained infertility" and that was so discouraging to me! I want a reason so I can work on fixing it! I mean I am healthy and take pretty good care of my body (minus the occasional emotional eating ice cream binge) and it just isn't cooperating! So part of my mental struggle was wanting to punish my body because it wasn't doing what I wanted. Another part of me thought "why eat clean and healthy foods if it isn't making a difference?". Then I started questioning my workouts! So I backed off and it actually had the reverse effect and my periods were more irregular. I was desperate for answers and a solution! I decided to seek the advice of reproductive endocrinologist and when I told him I had been told I had "unexplained infertility" he scoffed and and said "No, my dear, you have polycystic ovarian syndrome(PCOS)". FINALLY a reason and diagnosis to work on correcting! So I dove into trying to figure out what I could do naturally to help with PCOS. A coach on my team texted me a link to a podcast (she knows I love podcasts:) that was about health and nutrition. One of the girls on it has PCOS and talks about it a lot. After bingeing on The Paleo Women podcast and doing some research of my own I decided that Whole30 was a good first step to getting my nutrition back in line and it would also hopefully help with insulin resistance, which is a common symptom of PCOS. So, long story short that is why I have been doing Whol30 and here I am 2 weeks into it and feeling great! I expected to feel worse, but after about day 7 a cloud lifted and I have had a lot of energy! My workouts have been better, my mood has been pretty good, my sleep has been better, and I just feel better all around! For me Whole30 is not about weight loss. It is about taking back my body and health! It is about controlling my food choices! It is about not letting the food companies dictate the foods I crave! It is about self control and discipline! It is about challenging myself! It is about healing myself! It is just about TAKING CHARGE! This has been a great experience so far and I want to share it with others who want to take the plunge into taking back their health and wellness! So I am hosting a FREE week long challenge where I will teach you about clean eating (and Whole30 if you desire), meal planning/prep, and share some of my favorite clean recipes as well as tips and tricks to be successful in your clean eating journey. If you would like to join me in this FREE clean eating challenge starting Feb. 15 then fill out the form below and I will email you with details. You won't regret it...I PROMISE! I am obsessed with butternut squash! Well, let me back up...I am obsessed with sweet potatoes! But, I love butternut squash because it tastes almost just like sweet potatoes and isn't as starchy of a vegetable (plus it counts as a green instead of a yellow for all my fellow 21 Day Fixers:) Anyway, I usually just roast it and season with salt and pepper and maybe a little coconut oil and cinnamon. YUM!!!! But, I HATE cutting a butternut squash and I HATE having to get the seeds out. I know that sounds like a spoiled brat, but it is seriously hard to cut a raw butternut squash...try it! So I have found these awesome little bags of pre-cut/pre-seeded butternut squash that you can either roast or even steam in the microwave! SCORE!!! (I found my most recent butternut squash at Trader Joe's, but I have also found it at Target.) I love steaming it in the microwave for a super quick side dish, but the other night I made butternut squash soup and it was so simple and so good. Here is what I used: -1 package cut butternut squash soup -1 cup organic chicken broth (I used the Pacific brand with low-sodium) -a dollop of coconut cream (I didn't measure, but it was probably 2 Tablespoons or so) -salt and pepper Steam butternut squash in microwave for 5 minutes (puncture bag). Heat chicken broth in microwave or stovetop. Put all ingredients in a food processor, nutribullet, or blender and blend until smooth. Voila! Super simple and extremely creamy and delicious! Hope you enjoy! Week 1 TipsI am on day 9 of the Whole30 and I am so proud of myself for surviving the first week! It wasn’t always easy and I want to share with you my top tips for surviving YOUR first Whole30 experience. If you aren’t familiar with the Whole30 check it out here. 1. Plan Ahead and Prepare: Before diving into this new way of eating for the next 30 days make sure you have read up on what you are doing and why. This is not like most plans where you can just make a haphazard decision to give it a try. If you do that you will more than likely not succeed in sticking with it the full 30 days. There will be times when you want to quit, but if your “why” is big enough you will not give up! Read blogs, recipes, books, etc. on cleaning up your diet so you are well informed and prepared and know the foods that you can and cannot have for the next 30 days. Once you do dive in make sure you plan your meals for the week and shop according to your list. A lot of extra junk in the house is the last thing you need! While we are on that subject, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to throw out the junk food you know will tempt you or at least have your spouse take it to work. Finally, on this subject it is important to know that this plan is hard and takes a commitment level that most “diets” don’t and that is why if I suggest finding a better reason than just weight loss for doing this program. Knowing this going into the Whole30 is the only way to survive! 2. Herbal Tea and Water: This has been KEY for me this first week! I have had at least 3 cups of hot tea per day and it has saved me from snacking many times! Chugging water is also extremely helpful because not only does it hydrate you, it will help you feel full and keep you from going to the junk food! I think you will be surprised how many times you think you are hungry, but once you down a big glass of water the feeling goes away. This is because a lot of the time thirst is mistaken for hunger. So drink water and keep a variety pack of herbal teas handy (don’t forget that you cannot sweeten the tea though)! 3. Snack Often: Snacking is what I love about this plan. The fact that there is no calorie counting going on and I don’t have to track my macros (fat, protein, and carbs) has made snacking a lot easier. I am a big fan of portion control in your normal daily nutritional habits when not doing the Whole30. But since this plan does not focus on portions and because I have given up so many foods I am used to eating I have allowed myself to snack more on healthy fats (almonds, avocados, etc.) without guilt. I have done this because my goal is not to lose weight, but to help with my Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. So, if your goal is weight loss make sure that you are not snacking on too many healthy fats because too much of a good thing can be bad when it comes to losing weight! 4. Go to Bed: The first week you will be TIRED! I was in bed by 8:30pm two different nights this past week and I am not ashamed! Your body is going through a detox of sorts and you do not have the normal amount of sugar and carbs that you are used to. This will affect your energy until your body gets used to it so nap if you need to. If you are tired at an earlier time than usual, then go to bed! Sleep is so important and it is a proven fact that people who don’t get enough sleep make more unhealthy food choices. So not only will going on to bed help you from sneaking into the kitchen for a late night snack, but it will also help you make better choices the next day! 5. Find Accountability: This one is possibly the most important tip. If you know someone who has done the Whole30 before then they will be your best resource. They can share tips, recipes, and help talk you off the cheating ledge when the time comes (and it will come). If you don’t know anyone who has done the Whole30 then find accountability in your family and friends. Share with them what you are doing and why and let them know you need their help in sticking to the plan. If they know what you are doing they are less likely to invite you to ice cream and pizza and who knows…maybe they will join you in the Whole30 journey! So there you have my top 5 tips for surviving your first week of Whole30. If you would like more info on this meal plan and way of eating feel free to fill out this form below with your email address and questions and I will get back with you ASAP. If you are interested in having some accountability in your own Whole30 journey I will be hosting a totally free Whole30 online challenge group where I will share my top tips, recipes, snack ideas, and experiences from my current Whole30 plan! I would love to help in any way I can, so don’t hesitate to reach out via email!
I have been thinking about writing this post for a while, but kept hesitating and doubting myself because it is a scary thing to share and not something that everyone talks about. But after a lot of consideration and prayer I really feel like it is something I want to share with you all! Mainly because I feel like I can help other women who are struggling with PCOS and infertility issues.
This past month I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). It is something that I have had doctors mention in the past because we had trouble getting pregnant with Grey, but I was never officially diagnosed. Davis and I am have been trying for baby number 3 for a year now with no luck and I finally sought help from more than just my OBGYN. I am so thankful to finally have a diagnosis and reason that I am not getting pregnant besides just "unexplained infertility". I am not your typical case because a lot of the time patients with PCOS are overweight because PCOS makes it harder to lose weight. I believe that because I keep my sugar (PCOS has a lot to do with your your body processes sugar/carbs) and diet in check (and workout) I have been able to partially control my PCOS symptoms and that is why my symptoms have not been worse. Anyway, I simply wanted to share this with you so that you can understand more of where I am coming from when I share certain struggles and so you can know that I don't just eat well and work out to look good. I do it to feel good and to control my PCOS symptoms. It is truly about health for me and I want to help others see this and adopt a healthy lifestyle. If you have PCOS (or think you might) please don't hesitate to reach out to me. I would love to share what I have learned about it so far and the difference that changing a few things in your diet can make! YOU can help control your PCOS so that it doesn't control you! Christmas is only a few weeks away and my Christmas list is full of needs and wants and a lot of fitness gear in between:) Here are my top gift recommendations for the health/fitness enthusiast or for the person wanting to get a better handle on their health in the New Year: 1. Activity Tracker...duh!Fitness trackers are all the rage these days! If you are into or wanting to get into health and fitness this is a fun gadget that helps you track your steps, your sleep, your heart rate (some models), and so much more! I would recommend getting a device that can also serve as a watch to help minimize wrist clutter:) The ability for the device to track your heart rate is nice, but not necessary for the person just getting into fitness. Just having a fitness tracker that will remind you to take more steps during the day and help you set goals and partake in step challenges with others is enough to help you stay active. I personally have the Garmin Vivofit (last years Christmas present from the hubby) and love that it functions as a watch, but I also got the add on of the chest strap heart rate monitor so I can monitor my HIIT workouts and see what my heart rate is doing and see how many calories I burn during each workout. 2. Resistance BandsThese bad boys are so versatile and even if you have NO weights you can get a great resistance training workout with resistance bands. They are a MUST for anyone wanting to get healthy or challenge themselves in their workouts. They are portable for those that travel a lot, but still want to stay consistent with their workouts. Simple. Portable. Challenging. All of these reasons are why I added them to this must-have Christmas list for those getting or staying healthy! You can find the ones I personally use HERE. 3. New Workout ClothesTrust me on this one! Anyone who works out or wants to work out needs new workout gear! You can never have too much and and new workout gear is always an awesome motivator! My favorite places for affordable workout gear are Target, Old Navy, and Gap. If you want to go a little more expensive and fancy you could go with Lulu Lemon. It is great quality, but pretty pricey too! I personally stick with the cheaper brands so I can buy more of it ;) Either way though, you cannot go wrong with new workout tights, a new workout tank, or a workout pullover/jacket! 4. Fitness/Health Magazine SubscriptionI feel like magazines subscriptions have kind of gone by the wayside with Pinterest and the ability to read and find so many articles on the internet, but getting a magazine that is devoted to something you love each month is still such a treat! It is also great motivation and inspiration because it gives so many new ideas of workouts, gear, nutrition, etc. that helps keep health interesting! My favorites are Women's Health, Shape, Dr. Oz Magazine, or Clean Eating. There are so many more though! If your loved one is into running Runner's World is a great one! Magazine subscriptions are the gift that keep on giving and will have the recipient thinking of you once a month for the next year:) 5. New Workout ProgramIf you are giving a gift to someone who is already into fitness or wants to get into fitness a new workout program is never a bad idea! Trying new things and new workout styles helps keep things interesting and keeps people motivated and moving forward. A new workout program with the promise that you will do it with them is an EVEN BETTER gift. The gift of accountability and friendship in addition to health....could there be anything better? This is the PROGRAM I will be doing in the New Year and a great choice for those that are already working out (not so good for beginners). If you are interested in winning P90X, P90X2, or P90X3 to start your own fitness journey or to give to a loved one then you can join this event on FB for a chance to win! Prizes given away each week up until Jan.4 so you can have the healthiest New Year yet! Happy gift giving and let's not forget the REASON for the season! I challenge you to give with the intention of not getting ANYTHING in return. That is what our Lord did when he gave His only son to die for our sins with no expectation of a return gift besides our LOVE!
And don't forget I am always here to help in your health and fitness journey. Never hesitate to email me any questions you might have along the way. Have a very MERRY CHIRSTMAS and a HEALTHY NEW YEAR!!! XoXo, Susan Earlier this month Davis' brother came to town and we decided it would be fun to go pick some strawberries. I have a problem with going a little overboard with fresh produce. Okay, maybe a big problem! The type of problem that had us leaving the strawberry fields with 4 gigantic buckets of strawberries. I knew I wanted to make some strawberry jam and knew we would eat a ton of them plain, but needed something to do with the million of strawberries that were left over. Enter: The most amazing clean strawberry muffins! These strawberry muffins were to die for! They were a mama, kid, and husband pleaser! Here is the recipe I used, but I cleaned it up a bit! Almost any recipe can be cleaned up and made to be more healthy with a few substitutions! To clean this recipe up I substituted whole wheat pastry flour for the all-purpose flour and 1 cup of agave nectar instead of the refined sugar. This recipe made a ton of muffins and they were gone in just a few days! OOPS! |
Susan OzierChristian. Wife. Mother of 2 Boys. Runner. Clean-eater. Fitness and Nutrition Coach. Archives
April 2016
Categories
All
|